Day 553

I've been thinking a lot about relationships lately. Ones of my friends, my sisters, my friends, my relatives. Ones of my past...where they went wrong, how they ended. Most of my relationships seemed to fizzle out just as quickly as they started. Most of them ended in the same manner--without an explaination, without a goodbye. Just poof. They're gone.

I've stopped asking the question why, because really, it's irrelevant now. Maybe they were scared. Maybe they felt pressure. Maybe they really just weren't interested and didn't care enough to bother. Who knows really. And honestly, I don't really want an explaination any longer. It's a lot harder on a person to have to go through an ending this way, because you always end up questioning yourself. I think that is why I analyze everything, and why I am so hesitant to let myself be vulnerable in the first place. But I do know that you have to take risks, you have to be true to yourself, you have to let go when time has run its course and you have to have faith that whatever happens, it is for a reason.

I have my patterns too. I fall for the tall (mostly), dark, handsome types almost every single time. Intelligent and sarcastic too. I rush into things almost always, and tend to always want to be a caretaker and a cheerleader. I used to see this is a flaw, but you know what, it's just me. And when matched with the right person, someone who will reciprocate these parts of me, then it will all fit.

I believe that timing is everything and that instead of pushing a mismatch, I need to trust that when the time is right, a true match will appear. I realize now that I have to fully know and love myself before I can do the same, truly and greatly, to another. But I know also there is no such thing as perfect love. Relationships, just like any other truly great thing, takes hard, honest and faithful work. Thanks to all who have taught me this great gift.