Day 1516

Welcome to 2011!

I can't even believe that we are once again celebrating a new year. Since I have been so under-the-weather lately, and because I leave in just three day for New Orleans, I decided to forgo the big New Year's Eve night out and instead went with my aunt to go see my grandparents on the 30th. We got back to DC last night, so I had a low key night of watching a bowl game and crawling in my biscuit right after the clock hit midnight. I have been uber-productive today...took down my tree, put away all my Christmas decorations, and am now cleaning out my closets and scrubbing down the rest of my condo in preparation for my sister Marissa to move here on Thursday! (More on that later).

While doing all this cleaning today, I've been thinking about what my resolutions for this new year will be. Of course, there is the obvious...continue to work on my health by improving my diet and increasing my exercise routine, focus on my finances and continue to strive to keep a clean and orderly home. All of which I've been trying to focus on for sometime now, and will continue to work on throughout my life. So I thought I'd add a few fun resolutions as well:

1) Take more fashion risks.

I can look at a fashionable person and know what I like and what looks good. But actually being that person myself...well that still needs a bit of work. I find myself typically too rushed in the morning to dress as creatively as I'd like...that, and I still have to yield to the conservative side of dressing when heading to work. I do think there are some ways to step out of the box a bit, though, and still look chic and professional, and I hope to work toward that this year. Also, I dress like a total slob while running errands on the weekend. I tend to throw on leggings, Uggs and a North Face jacket and call it a Saturday...no, no, no!!! That is my laziness coming out, and it has to stop!

2) Get out of the house.

If you knew me in Arkansas, you'd be surprised and ashamed of how anti-social I have become. I love people, love being around people, but after a long day of work, the last thing I want to do is keep my heels on and hit the town. Problem is, it just isn't me to sit home alone all the time, and this is the year to break that cycle! If it kills me trying, I will start doing something outside of work at least once during the week!

3) Work on my mingling skills.

Once again, if you knew me long ago, you wouldn't believe me when I tell you that I am the absolute worst at small talk. Therefore, I'm not the best at striking up a conversation and meeting new people. This is especially bad at work, when the Masters at the Art of Conversation are the only ones around me. Must work at this...no excuses!

So what are some of your resolutions for the New Year? I am counting on all of you dear friends of mine to call me out when I seem to be reverting back to these new traits I'm trying to correct. 2011 is going to be my year to shine!

Day 1156

I've been thinking even more about these New Year's Resolutions I've come up with, and decided, although they are great goals to set, they are a bit broad. I feel like I need something measurable in order to fulfill these goals, hence the following addendums:

1. Take control of my finances.

Since I put a strong emphasis on my shopping habits, I figure what better way to reverse this than to resell some of my mistake purchases. I know, I'm a genius. Patting myself on the back as you read. Well, just so happens, one of my blog favorites, Capitol Hill Style, has an online resale shop, Capitol Hill Style Resale Salon.

There is always really cute stuff for sale on there, and I already have an eye on one or two slightly worn items that I can contribute. For starters, I'm thinking these Kate Spade Giselle shoes.



They are really cute, and only worn twice, but I have another pair of black patent leather peep toes I like better, so I wouldn't cry if someone took them off my hands.

So that is project one...clean out my closets, find items to sell and also items to donate to charity. I think a clean closet and fresh start will help me keep focus on what I don't need to spend money on. And if I'm lucky, I'll make some cash back too.

2. Getting healthy...mind, body and soul.

Motivation and follow through is always my problem. Always. So what better way to combat this than with a little friendly competition, right?



My friend Beth and I are both bridesmaids in another friend's wedding in August, and so to motivate us to get in amazing bridesmaid dress shape, we're competing to see who loses the biggest percentage of weight in the next 8 months.

Each week, we are tracking our weight loss, and then each month are tracking our percentage for the month. The loser for the month treats the winner to a pedicure. Once again, I know, genius. Actually the brilliant mastermind behind this plan was Beth, but I'm very excited about it 1) because I'm uber-competitive and 2) because I think this will be the motivation I need to keep going for 8-months. Bring it Beth, it's on like Donkey Kong.

3. Getting back to my roots.

Okay, I'll admit, this one I'm still working ideas, but I have a few improvements I'm trying to make already, including:

**Adding more photographs to my blog. This counts for creativity, right? I just know that blog posts with photographs are much more bright and interesting (even if I have to pull it off the internet). And to help with this, I bought this little number when I went to Disney World...the world's tiniest camera!

Canon Digital ELPH PowerShot Camera



Okay well maybe not, but it is pretty teeny tiny, and takes great pictures, so I no longer have an excuse for not toting around my enormous camera. It even fit in my itty bitty clutch I took out on New Year's Eve. Highly recommend it.

**Taking at least one yoga class a week. I suppose this also could be added to goal #2, but I'm putting this here because it's both spiritual and incorporates challenging body movements which I've always loved to do (don't read too into that one filthy minds. Or do. Whatever). Since a monthly membership is out of my budget, I figure one class a week will have to do for now.

So that's it for tangible goals as of now, but I hope to continue adding to these as the year goes on. I feel that putting them out there will really inspire me to stick with them. Fingers crossed this works!

Day 1153

It's now Day 2 of 2010 and I'm still sitting here tonight, thinking about resolutions for the new year. Honestly, I usually don't make them because like everything else, I tend to start strong but fizzle off soon thereafter just as hard.

For some reason, though, I've been thinking about really focusing on resolutions for this new year. I suppose because this isn't just any year...it's the beginning of a new decades and the beginning of my 30s. I've grown up and my priorities are changing, and I hope to reflect that in the way I live my life.

And since I seem to have problems with commitment, whether it be my diet or something much more serious, I feel that writing this down will make me accountable for my actions.

With that, my 2010 New Year, New Shawna Resolutions:

1. Take control of my finances.



This has always been a bit of a struggle for me because I do not know how to stay on a budget. You'd think I actually grew up with money or something, which is definitely not the case, but I thing that is part of the problem. There were years where my parents struggled financially, especially when I was in college, and had to work three jobs just to stay in school. So when I did get out of school and started making my own money, I went a bit crazy in my spending. I still may not make smart decisions always, but I'm learning from my mistakes and trying to stay in control of my shopping.

That said, I have made some good decisions that I would like to build on. I bought my first condo. Smart decision, but now I need to start saving so I can invest in my home. It really needs a kitchen and bathroom upgrade, so that'll be a start. Building my savings, paying off debt and curbing my spending habits...number one on my list of resolutions.

2. Getting healthy...mind, body and soul.



My boss jokes that I'm the oldest young person he's ever met, and he may not be too far off on that. These past few years I just haven't felt well, period, and this past year I got sick so many times. I'm sure much was stress related and healing from a broken heart (dad...it's a long recovery). But I start getting too busy or too stressed and I lose focus on what I need to do to keep myself healthy and happy.

So that means eating better, especially when I get busy and tend to go for quick and easy instead of healthy. It also means exercising, meditating and getting out of the house and back to being the social butterfly I used to be. Because when I'm healthier, I am happier and more productive in everything I do.

3. Getting back to my roots.



It may sound a bit silly, but I've been thinking about this a lot lately. There are so many things that I was involved with when I was younger that I loved and meant a lot to me that have sort of fallen to the wayside in the past 10 years. First, I have to get back in a routine of going to church. I am still very much a spiritual person, praying almost daily, but I have lost some of my relationship with the church. Seeing me at Mass has been somewhat of a rarity in the past few years, and this needs to change.

I have always been very creative, but besides decorating and writing this blog, I don't do nearly enough to express that. I rarely dance anymore, and I so love to dance. I loved sports of all kinds, anything competitive, and that too is missing in my life.

I think that so many people become so involved in making money and moving forward in our career that we tend lead a very unbalanced life. I for sure have been living a very unbalanced life, and I intend to change that this year.

I guess to sum it up is this: I want to enjoy life more, not what dad would say, "Just going through the motions." And to do that, I need to work on all of the above. So there it is...I'm putting it down in words and making myself accountable. What are your New Year's Resolutions?

Day 940

I had an Ah Ha moment the other day. Actually, it's been a moment in progress, but somehow, the other night in yoga class, immediately after successfully completing my crow pose, I came down to my mat and Ah Ha!

It was liberating and exhilarating and I finally felt peace.

It has taken a while to get here, but I've decided that 30 is going to be my time to shine. I know that, in past posts, I have dwelled upon about getting older, but the Ah Ha about it is...age ain't nutin' but a number. Kind of ridiculous it took an Ah Ha moment to reach that conclusion, huh?

I do realize that I will have to work harder than I ever have in order to make this happen. That means continuing to bust my tail at the gym. That means resisting temptation of unhealthy habits, both for my diet and for my health. That means to curb my spending, keep a close eye on my finances and seeing the difference between what I need and what I want. That means to continue working hard in my career and the work that I love. And also, that means to start listening to both my head and my heart, so the decisions I make, although some painful or heartbreaking, will be the very best for me.

Geez, that's a lot to champion in just six months. But you know what, it's about time.

It is a bit ridiculous that I had to wait almost 30 years until I started to get my rear in gear. And it is a bit ridiculous that I am finally standing up a getting what I deserve. A healthy body. A health mind. Financial stability. Professional success and fulfillment. And relationships full of respect and honesty and commitment and love.

I don't think that is too much to ask for. But the thing is, no one is going to hand it to me. It is there for me to stand up and take. I've got to fight for it until people decide to fight for me.

So I guess the question is, why wait until 30? As dad always said, "There's no time like today." He definitely got that one right.

Day 809

My good friend Kelly has started some things on her blog that I think are really wonderful. First, she has decided to document her two beautiful daughters every day in photos. I might mention that she has become an amazing photographer, and it's always such a joy for me to see her girls each day. I know I have repeatedly said here that I want to start photographing more, but seeing her do this really makes me want to commit myself to taking more pictures and sharing them with you all.

Kelly has also started to list one thing she is grateful for each day. I love this idea! Too often lately, I have found myself complaining about the most ridiculous things. I know I'm doing it, and yet it still comes out. This is something I am really working on, and I think that reading Kel's inspiration each day will help me stay positive and see the brighter side of life.

I know that I had been talking a lot about change at the end of the year, and although it wasn't the change I thought I would have, I am happy to say that this year, I am committed to finding happiness in my life. I guess you could call this my belated New Year's Resolution. I had been thinking a lot about using my talents to their highest power and know there is so much that I can do for myself and for others to bring peace and happiness into their world (and mine).

One thing is to start volunteering more. There are pet projects I have been committed to here in DC for the past few years: Taste of the South, a DC gala supporting charities of Southern states, and the DC Chapter of the Arkansas Alumni Association. But I know I can do more, and am committed to working on that this year.

Another thing is to explore this great city that I live in. Washington, DC is so much more than the Capital of our political world. There is art, culture, history and nature all around, and I am ashamed to say that there is so much here that I haven't yet experienced. I've started to make a list...it's getting pretty long...but here is what's up first. And, just thought I'd throw this in, I welcome each and every one of you to come visit and share in exploring this beautiful city with me.

So without further ado, here's my 2009 Washington, DC to do list:

1. Corcoran Gallery of Art, Richard Avedon's Portraits of Power exhibit



This exhibit by the amazingly talented late photographer ends Sunday, and I have been craving to see it since it opened in the fall. A group of my girlfriends and I are going tomorrow afternoon...check back for my review!

2. Ben's Chili Bowl



Yes, I do know what a half-smoke is, but sadly, have never tasted one before. A crime to all Washingtonians! This historical DC landmark celebrated 50 years in 2008 and is still going strong. You may have noticed President Barack Obama stopped by for a chili dog last week with Mayor Fenty during his pre-Inauguration festivities. I'm ashamed to say I've never been, so it is high up on my DC to do list.

3. Smithsonian National Museum of American History



Yes, this one I have been to before, but not since it's renovation and reopening this past year. The $85 million dollar renovation has supposedly produced brilliant results, including the refurbishing of Betsy Ross's American flag, and so I need to go reacquaint myself with this treasure.

4. The National Zoo



Once again, embarrassed to say I've never been. Not even during the great panda baby watch a few years back. Now the panda cub is back in China, and I'm without a sighting. First weekend of Spring-like weather, and I'm there.

5. Newseum



And this one I am extremely ashamed of...the Newseum. Since it's more or less a tribute to my colleagues, my industry, my daily practices, it is really sad that I haven't made it here yet. I mean, one of my former colleagues is now even an advisor. Sad. I had a million excuses when it first opened last year not to attend. Had to work late. Didn't want to fight the crowds. Too expensive to visit. But the truth is, I need to see it and I need to see it soon. Which is why it's in my top 5...

The list will be expanding throughout the year, and any suggestions are greatly appreciated. But basically, I'm summing up my hopes for the year as this: I don't want to just sit around my apartment anymore, and I don't want to be all work and no living. I have in the past few years been too accustom to falling back into the same patterns...with my health, with men, basically with my way of life. I guess I need to jump on the "Change" bandwagon and applied this to my life as well. And so I start by getting up and moving.

Day 595

First, I finished "Murder on the Orient Express". Very good, classic murder mystery with a surprise ending...no wonder it is a classic. I think it would be a very good beach read if anyone is heading there this summer. Any suggestions for my next read? I think that I'm going to have to finish some books I've already started before I move on to a new one.

Second, I finished my 100 things list, and let me tell you, there is no way that I would actually be able to actually play by the real rules and only live with 100 things. My list is very general, yet pretty much includes everything I own right now...with no room for additions.

Think it'd be easy for you? Take a look at my list and think again:
1. Running shoes
2. Slippers
3. Robe
4. Tank tops
5. Tshirts
6. Blouses
7. Button up shirts
8. Sweaters
9. Jackets
10. Polar fleeces
11. Coats
12. Suits
13. Dress pants
14. Jeans
15. Corduroys
16. Khakis
17. Leggings
18. Linen pants
19. Skirts
20. Running shorts
21. Pajama pants
22. Boxer shorts
23. Lingerie
24. Socks
25. Tights
26. Pantyhose
27. Swimsuits
28. Swimsuit cover ups
29. Sandals
30. Flip flops
31. Heels
32. Boots
33. Hiking boots
34. Uggs
35. Flats
36. Purses
37. Hats
38. Luggage
39. Gloves
40. Bath towels
41. Bath mat
42. Makeup
43. Makeup brushes
44. Toiletries
45. Cleaning supplies
46. Bed
47. Pillows
48. Bed linens
49. Dresser
50. Vanity
51. Jewelry box
52. Jewelry
53. Side tables
54. Trunk
55. Bath cabinet
56. Lamps
57. Photos
58. Books
59. Wall art
60. CDs
61. DVDs
62. Alarm clock
63. Vases
64. Religious items
65. iPod
66. iPod speakers
67. Silk flowers
68. Piggy banks
69. Candles
70. Bookcases
71. Coffee table
72. Couch
73. Rugs
74. Kitchen table
75. Hangers
76. Kitchen towels
77. TV
78. DVD player
79. Blanket
80. Filing cabinet
81. Yoga mat
82. Gym bag
83. Free weights
84. Cap & goggles
85. Kick board
86. Medicine ball
87. Tennis racket
88. Tennis balls
89. Christmas decorations
90. Front door wreaths
91. Laundry basket
92. Silverware
93. Kitchen utensils
94. Glassware
95. Cookware
96. Dinnerware
97. Wine opener
98. Laptop
99. Printer
100. Food

So maybe I'm just not meant to be a minimalist. I just realized that I left off camera, mirrors, tissues, laundry detergent and who knows what else...I'm going to need someone to organize me. Any ideas?

Day 577

I really have been meaning to pick up on my blogging lately, but this week I've just been occupied with either work or family. Wednesday night I even worked until 1:00 AM!! My grandparents have also been in town this week, and we've had lots of family activities...Valeri's 8th birthday, Matthew's 8th grade graduation (a high schooler now? I can't even believe it).

Also, I found an apartment this week! I'm signing my lease in about two hours, then heading over to my aunt & uncle's for dinner. Tomorrow I'm taking my grandparents home to West Virginia, so I'll be out of commission until I return home Sunday evening.

So, I have always been interested in design and decorating. I guess my style is a little vintage flea-market chic (think SATC's Carrie Bradshaw...organized clutter) mixed with dark palettes, crisp whites and a splash of color. I also feel it's very important to incorporate your personality into your home. Hence my clutter, I guess, because much of my "stuff" has historical or sentimental flare.

My new apartment is a basement apartment (for all you non-DCers, this is the basement of these huge Victorian townhomes turned into full service apartments). The location is fantastic--a block from a Metro stop and a block from Eastern Market, a farmers' market and weekend flea market. The neighborhood was also voted one of the ten best neighborhood's in America last year. Had to brag a bit.

Anyway, my new place is "cozy", meaning tiny. It's enough for one, and perfect for my narrow price range, but let's just say I'm having to downsize--majorly. I can't even talk about the closet space...I'm going to have to put up makeshift closets in corners and the hallway. Any idea where to store all my shoes? Craigslist.org is about to be my new best friend, because I'm going to put a lot of stuff up for sale. But since I'm having to rework (meaning reorganize) the way I live, I've been looking for smart ways to design and function in a small place.

Two of my favorite design magazines, domino and O at Home, both had great tips this month on living small but with personality. I highly suggest you check them out. Also, note some new blogs on my "sites I stalk" listings. Thanks to this Thursday's Washington Post's Home section, I've discovered some great new sites that I am now totally addicted to. Today was a slow (finally!) day at work, so I bounced from site to recommended site finding all sorts of eye candy and great ideas. Not only did it get me excited about starting over and finally having a place of my own (minus the ownership and right to totally redesign), but it also inspired me to seek out beauty everyday.

I am constantly eyeing art, clothes, books, artifacts I find appealing. It's not hard with the diversity and richness of this city. But what I need, or rather, hope to do is archive this and share it with you. I know I have been terrible, TERRIBLE, at taking and sharing pictures with you. I intend to change this, and hopefully this newfound excitement will inspire me to get out of my house and out to view the beauty of the city.

Also, since my future apartment is oh so small, I hope to use this as my "inspiration board". This is something I have been doing for years...pulling from magazines homes, art, photography...anything my eye catches and admires. I literally have hundreds of ideas just sitting in my filing cabinet. Maybe this way will be a little more green and a little more visual. Not to mention, much less cluttered.

Hmm, saving magazines, wishing for a bigger closet, typing away on my laptop, still pining for my own "Mr. Big" (we won't even go there today)...may I really am "A Carrie". If I only had her shoes, I could rule the world. Well, maybe just DC.

See the door under the stairs? Inside rests my future new home.

Day 546

These days, we hear a lot about what's going wrong in the world. Global terrorism. Economic downfall. Environmental deterioration. Health epidemics. Mass poverty. There are a lot of sad stories; a lot to tear us down, make us fearful and do what is easy rather than what is right.

I'm one to talk...I take the easy way out too many times. Throw out food because I'm not in the mood for it. Toss plastic bottles in the trash because I don't want to hold onto them until I find a recycling bin. Buy the new shoes because I "need" them...along with the new purse and bracelet and dress. I have a lot of work to do myself.

It's not easy changing your ways. It's hard work. It takes actually stepping back and looking at what you say and what you do and how you think. It means risking your pride and ego and appearance just to do what you think is right. Sometimes it takes more than that. It takes a bit of a push from someone other than yourself.

Maybe it's a pep talk or a word of advice or a shout of encouragement. It could be teacher or a doctor or a scientist, giving you new life lessons to reflect upon and learn from. Tonight, my push was closing my ears to all those I work with...the talking heads and politicos and know-it-alls, and opening my heart to the words of someone that wants to teach us all how to reach for our dreams, fulfill our goals and become better people. I feel energized and inspired and hopeful. This is the type of leader I've always inspired to be. But my fate isn't to be in the limelight. I prefer to work from behind. And words of belief remind me that my work is substantial and people can change for the better.

Day 512

Fredhead, you're absolutely right. Springtime has finally (somewhat) come to Washington, and I decided to go for a run after work today. And despite the runny nose, wheezing, itchy throat and watery eyes that come with my new-found allergies to Springtime in Washington, I do feel so much better. This is what I need to remember on my too-tired, too-cold outside, too-busy days. Getting out and working out actually makes me feel better.

How was it that I had forgotten that? I think for so long now, I have been worrying about everything else other than me, my health and my needs. Case in point--how long did it take me to quite smoking? A long, long time. It's very sad to admit that I smoked from the time I was 12 until I was 28 and 9 days old. December 21, 2008 was the last time I smoked a cigarette, and after all this time, I'm sticking with it. My health is just too important to go back to it again, no matter how great one might feel late at night with a glass of wine. Sad that it's taken me this long to really have the consequences sink in.

That's done, so now I have to tackle my diet and exercise. Two days down, two workouts down--so now let's hope the weight goes down. But that's a long road, so step-by-step I'm going to make myself healthy again. Because that's more important to me than the weight or how my clothes fit. Knowing that I'm healthier is really what I'm after now. And with that comes the rest.

Day 498

Sorry guys, I'm a bit grumpy tonight and I don't really know why. Actually, that's not true. I have to get motivated and loose weight before my sister's wedding, and instead of being excited to take on this challenge, I am a bit scared and frustrated with this notion. Sad, isn't it? I used to be this great swimmer, and now I don't want to be caught dead in a swimsuit.

I've been carrying this with me for a LONG time though. After I quit swimming and training everyday, things halted for me. I was still working out--dance class twice a week and pom practice every day after school, but it wasn't the same. By the time I got to college, I came to the realization that I couldn't do what I used to be able to do, and instead of pushing myself to get back to that point, I shrank from it so no one could see my weakness. Silly, isn't it? But that's what I've been doing ever since.

I've been coming to this realization for some time now, but have honestly just been scared and intimidated to even get started. Where do I begin? What if I fail? Can I really make this change in my life? I know it's for the better, but still, it's hard to face the reality. And the reality is this: I've let myself go, I'm not healthy anymore, and if I keep going at this rate I'm going to do serious damage to my health before too long.

So, after hearing about my weight over and over again, I got angry. But then, I resolved to do something about it. Because really, I can sit here feeling sorry for myself some more, or I can get out and move and work on improving myself. I feel that I've been working so hard on my inside that I've forgotten about my physical appearance. So here I go...

Mom and I have made a pack, starting April 1st, to loose one pound a week thru November. That means after Easter brunch and candy, it's pretty much over for me. But if I stick with it and actually achieve this goal, that's down 32 pounds. Sounds like a lot, but trust me, after that I'll still weigh more than most of you reading this.

I wanted to put it out there so that now you can all hold me accountable and there is no turning back. So, that's the deal...wish me luck!

Day 456

Today is Ash Wednesday, which marks the beginning of Lent. Yes mom, I did make it to church at lunch today. For me, Lent is a time to reflect on the life you're leading and work to make yourself a better, more disciplined person. During the homily, the priest said something that really stuck with me. He said, "Each day is a gift from God. It's your gift in return to live each day with purpose and meaning." This Lent, I'm going to work on doing just that.

Each Lent, I usually try to take on something as well as give something up. Again this year, I will take on making it to church each week. My church attendance record over the past year has, to say the least, been sub-par. To be honest, today was the first time I made it to church since Christmas. Although I am spiritual and pray often, I have not been a great Catholic, and this is something I intend to work on.

As for what to give up, I've decided this year it's sodas. Lately, I've been needing an extra caffine fix in the afternoon and rather than drinking yet another cup of coffee, I reach for a can of Coke. This needs to stop. Not only is it bad for me, but I need to find another way to rev back up in the afternoon. Maybe I should lobby some Senators to install a Siesta into the workday. You know how I love my naps!

The last thing that I am going to work on is my networking. I need to branch out and meet new people. Believe it or not, I am actually very shy initially. I have to make an effort to introduce and make conversation with people. You probably don't believe me when I say it, but that's just because I force myself to get out there every time.

But this past year has been hard. I haven't wanted to make an effort. I haven't wanted to put myself out there. I haven't wanted to work on meeting and getting to know people. Socially, I have been missing out and haven't expanded my group. I also feel that this has effected my work. After a year and a half at this job, I don't feel that I know the people I should know and just as important, they don't know me.

It honestly took me writing this blog to see this. Once I finally started getting out my emotions, I, for the first time in a while, felt like I could breathe. I felt lighter and more energetic and happier, which has been gone from me for a long time. So, in order for me to live my days with purpose and meaning, I feel I must work on this part of me and get back to making an effort and putting myself out there. It'll be work, but I know that it will be worth it. It will strengthen me and make me a better person. In the season of Lent, that is what it's all about.