Day 1084

I starting to think about dad tonight, driving home by myself when all was dark outside. Dad and I spent a lot of time driving together both early in the morning and late at night. All was usually dark, and the roads were quiet, and we would just talk and listen to music and enjoy our special time together.

Beginning when I was in sixth grade, dad would wake me up for early morning workouts. And I'm talking early. Four in the morning early. It would normally take him at least three attempts to get me out of bed. Usually those morning started with dad flipping the lights on, ripping my sheets off of me and my bed and me yelling at dad to leave me at home. Never really worked, but he still put up with me being the grouch that I am in the morning, every single time.

If I did actually wake up pleasant, we'd make a special stop by Shipley's donuts. I'd get a chocolate milk and a chocolate icing glazed donut. Dad would get a hot tea, bag out, and usually two jelly-filled donuts. Good breakfast before a hard workout, huh? Oh well, dad did always have a huge sweet tooth.

After school, we'd be back to the pool again for afternoon workouts, and I was back to dad time. In the pool, he was always my coach first. If I needed yelled at, dad yelled. If I needed encouragement, he'd cheer me on. If I deserved praise, he gave me a hug and bragged about me to the others. He liked us to get competitive with each other, to push ourselves. I didn't get treated any differently than the rest of my fellow swimmers.

When practice was over, many times I would get out and shower, and then go to his office and do my homework while I waited for him to finish the younger team's practices, and then many time private lessons after that. By the time we got home, it was usually late, but we'd still go ahead and stop by TCBY before we get home (and dinner). Our mutual favorite: White Chocolate Mousse.

We bonded over sugar and I always felt so special that I got to have our time together.

The summer before my freshman year of high school, I had surgery on both of my knees. Although I rehabbed them and tried to get back to swimming, I had lost my drive and ended up quitting training at the level I should have. Thinking back now, I know that was the path I was supposed to take. I'm sure if I kept with it, I would have gotten a college scholarship to swim and go somewhere other than Arkansas. That wasn't in the cards for me, and I'm happy my path has taken me the places it has.

But I do regret missing out on all that bonding time we used to have together. Dad was really upset when I quit. I mean, really upset. It changed our relationship for a long time, and for a while he really didn't even talk to me. Looking back, I'm sure he was just realizing that the dreams he had for me weren't going to come to life, and he was scared that we had nothing in common anymore. It makes me sad thinking that I upset him by doing what I did, but I know that he got over it.

Still, driving home tonight, I wished he was driving with me, talking about our days and going for a special treat. I guess you don't ever really realize how special time is until it is gone.