Day 482

So, I know that this blog was intended to be a tribute to dad in some way, and I know that I've gotten away from that lately, but some days, it's just too hard to write about him. It's hard to even think about him some days...the memories start to build up in my chest, making it hard to breathe. My vision gets blurry, my heart starts racing and my chest gets tight. And then the tears come. Some days, like I've said before, they come at a moment's notice. Other days, it brews up over a day's time. By the time I get home, I fall into bed and literally crumble.

But that's no way to live my life. So many days, I try my best to push those memories aside and go on with things the best I can. I don't see it as a disservice to dad, but rather the way I need to go about my life, as best as I can.

I know there will be a time that I will think of dad and laugh. Think of the funny things he did and said and it will put a smile on my face. But I haven't made it there quite yet. Even as laughter comes, so do the tears. Which is why I can't quite mention dad every night. But he's always in my heart.