Day 693

So a quick update is no update right now. I went to the Radiologist this morning for an ultrasound, but the results won't get to my Internist for a day or two, so it will be a few days before I hear anything. I couldn't get in to see a GI for a few weeks, so it may be a while until I get all figured out. The good news is I haven't had a flare up since last Wednesday night, so keep your fingers crossed it'll stay that way for a while.

So on a different note, I had a bit of a tough day today dad-wise. There were just so many things that came to me and reminded me of him. I wish I could get to that point where I am reminded of things and smile, but I just can't get past the lump in my throat and hole in my stomach.

One thing today was my doing. I finally, after almost two years, erased dad from my Blackberry. For sometime now I've been meaning to do this, but I just couldn't. This wasn't like deleting an ex or a long lost friend from my phone. After time, things can change, and they may come back into your life. But dad isn't coming back, and I guess that is why I've avoided this for so long.

Maybe it was all the meds rushing through my blood, but when I was scrolling through my Outlook contacts list today, I knew that I had to just go ahead and get this over with. I took it out like ripping off a band aid...quick and with my eyes closed. It stung pretty bad at first, but then my attention was distracted elsewhere and the sting went away. But true to form, a few hours later, something else came up and my mind raced back to him.

So that was my day. You'd think that the complete meltdown of Congress today would have distracted me more, but instead, I think it may have been the reason I kept thinking of dad. When I was little, I didn't want to be a doctor or a dancer. I wanted to be a stockbroker. That's right, a stockbroker. Dad taught me to follow the market, taught me how to trade. He loved playing the market, but playing it smart. Getting the inside track. Sometimes he was successful. Sometimes his gambles didn't quite pay off. But today was a day I'm glad he never saw. The blackest day ever for Wall Street. And instead of thinking about my plummeting 401k, all I could think about was dad.

Bleak post today, I know. Sorry for that. Stay tuned tomorrow to see what I did to distract myself tonight. This is what happens when there's no man around my house...it involves lots of pushing, screwing and a little bit of sweat. Get your head out of the gutter people, I moved some furniture and built a dresser. Pictures of my masterpiece tomorrow...